who am i?

as i'm a fairly new blogger (and no one comes on my blog), then i thought i'd let people who manage to find this blog know a bit about myself.

so who am i?

most importantly, i'm a human being. two arms, two legs, 10 fingers, 10 toes, a head, a brain (hopefully), and all that. i'm a human girl, no matter how much i'd like to be someone else.

i'm a child. i think i'll always stay a child. i don't ever want to grow up. i always want to stay like this, amazed by the world and it's tiny and big wonders.

i'm Maarja. i've recently taken a liking towards my name more than i did before. maybe it's because people who don't live in Estonia and who don't actually use this name still call me by it. it makes me feel like i don't have to change who i am when i leave the country/talk to someone online.

i'm an age - 17 years, 1 month, 13 days and about 6 hours ago, i was born.

i'm a name - i was named after the Virgin Mary, as both my parents are Christians and Maarja is the equivalent of Mariah/Maria/Mary in Estonia.

i'm a student, and i actually love it! the school i go to is amazing (no matter what i write on here about the lit teacher... she is an exception).

i'm a friend, hopefully a good one.

i'm a daughter, and it's amazing to think that i've been taken care of since i was born by my parents. they've done so much, it's amazing.

i'm a daydreamer. i think i wrote in my first post that i love make-believe. it's fun. i make up stories, and then think them through while portraying different characters' point of view. (i do it alone, of course...)

i'm fragile, and i break easily. whilst this is not a good thing to be, then i'd rather be this than someone cold and harsh, who has made herself numb to all the pain, because if i was that, then i wouldn't feel joy, either, and i cannot live like that. life would be empty if i were like that.

i'm a thinker. i think and i think and i think, and then, maybe, i say it out loud. maybe this is another one of my flaws, but i'd rather be this than a person who says everything that she wants to, because i believe i save myself from a lot of trouble when not being like that.

i'm a writer. a developing one, but still. i'm a writer, and i'm desperately trying to rid myself of my writer's block.

i'm a reader. i just finished "I, Coriander" by Sally Gardner. go read it! it's amazing.

i'm depressed. i put on a happy face every single day, and sometimes i actually do feel happy, because telling everyone else you're happy actually makes you a bit happier. if you smile, then you become a bit happier, whether you like it or not. but yes, i have a problem, and i'm trying to fight to become free.

i'm lonely. so, so lonely sometimes, but i know i have people who care about me. (i hope)

i'm weak, and yet i'm strong. we all are a little bit of both. we're not meant to be perfect, we're meant to be human. it doesn't matter than i'm weak at running, because i'm never going to strive to be an athlete. what does matter, though, is that i love languages and am good at linguistics. what does it matter if i have a D in PE? it's just a letter of the alphabet. i'm going to try as hard as i can, and that's all i can do. not all people were made to be super-runners.

i'm confused. about life, about myself, about my friends, about my future... i'm just a very confused person.

i'm silly, especially when i'm hyper.

i'm crazy. i talk gibberish sometimes, and lose my thought the next second.

i'm cute.

i'm simple. i do not strive to be this super-rich and amazing princess. it would be lovely, but since it's not happening, then i'm going to stick to being myself, even if i am a bit simple, a bit boring sometimes.

i'm loving.

and the last thing? the one thing that people do tell me but what i have a hard time trying to believe myself?

i am beautiful.

i know i am.

i just need to know and believe in this more often.

what about you? who are you?