Monday, January 31, 2011

what I love today...

everything's boiling over right now. there's so much to do. i was ill last week and now have three tests to re-do while studying for other tests, while trying to read Balzac's "Father Goriot", while trying to write my year paper, while trying to get myself healthy again. we have this big event with our choir on February 15, we have to sing to see where we qualify in the upcoming Singing Festival (my first time at the Singing Festival! going to be awesome ~.~) and i have a fucking cough so i have to study at home when i'm better because clearly i could not go to practice today. i have to watch a movie for sociology with three other people and somehow manage to write a 15-page analysis with those three people (they're awesome, but a joint analysis? how is this going to work out?). i have an oral philosophy exam next Friday.

this is exactly why i need a list of what i appreciate today. i need a fucking list to show me why i want to be alive because everything's blowing up in my face and if i do not make a stupid list then i'll continue on being miserable. so i'm making a list.

things i loved today:
✮ it's still really pretty outside, with all the snow ~.~
✮ i'm getting healthier - no more fever of 102!
✮ hematogen ❤ it's a sweet/candy bar, one of its ingredients is processed animal blood which is good when your hemoglobin level is low (mine's 100, when 115-150 is the normal range for women;; the candy bar's good anyway, the fact that it improves my health is just a bonus, haha)
✮ philosophy - as difficult as it is, then i love it (and our teacher's great ~.~)
i am alive - i've been hearing of accidents lately (mainly one where a 22-year-old my school graduate and my best friend's friend (they went to the same class and she's the one who she was the most close with) fell down an unclosed well last Wednesday... RIP) and this makes me appreciate life a lot more.

Sunday, January 23, 2011


~English contest~

some people have no brain sometimes.
you tell me ONE week in advance that i can go to a contest and expect me to be all, "Oh, yeah, i'd love to! i have no life, anyway, so i may as well go!"?
you really think i'm like that?
NO! i'm NOT. definitely not in high school and definitely not this year when i'm doing a hundred things a week.
next week's Friday is January 28. i'm going to a big project meeting on January 28. i decided on January 17 that i would go, because there was no reason not to. and then you send me a e-mail on January 21.
i would really, really love to go to the contest. really, i would, but now i do not know what to do!

i'm going to ask my teacher tomorrow if 11th grade's first place would open some chances for me. if not, then i'm not going this year.

back with loads of philosophy ~.~

wow! i haven't posted here for so long!

the reason i started again is because i needed a place where i could openly talk about the things that bother me about myself. this is a place where i can talk about my health because there are people i know from school that are following my tumblr and reading my livejournal.

of course i'll try to post positive things here as well! don't worry, it will not be all negative.

i have philosophy at the moment. Middle age philosophy. Christian philosophy. I CAN UNDERSTAND SOMETHING!!! yay xD

we're talking about Aquino Thomas at the moment, and he believed in something very true, something i also need to start believing in:

During the time the person lives on Earth, s/he is a combination of soul and body. Soul and body cannot be separated during life on Earth. The soul can exist after the body's death, but the soul does need the body to be able to live on Earth.

there is no other way, it is not possible. we cannot sense this world if we do not have a body. every person needs a body, including me.

i just need to start believing in this one hundred percent.